Got Black Before??

It's almost a year and a half since I wrote anything. Nought. Null. Niente. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Cipher and Duck. An absolute inverse of infinity as I'd love to put it. It was hurtful, painful and even scarring enough to not voice out what I really loved, felt and experienced in my life. There are certain experiences in our lives which are so hurtful, so egregious that we find it tough to come back. Although, there is always something to learn from these phases in our lives.

We black out at times. I mean just swoosh man! Gone in 60 seconds! It's like Superman being thrust with a Kryptonite shard. It is so awful that it makes one seem so weak and helpless. No matter how super confident, well equipped and highly trained an individual can be, it's just simply hard to condescend how this takes over the mind and ruins everything to a woeful remnant of hardly useful fragments of the entirety. It is scary. To be blinded is one thing, but to be mentally blinded is far worse. That algebraic expression or the conic section, that detailed plan or the structured elevation, that deduction or the derivation, that precise word or the much revised sentence, that woefully long program or the never ending loops, that double fault or a run-less over; these are just a few.

Nevertheless, the capacity of the human mind is not to be underestimated. It’s like a machine. It needs timely lubrication. Sometimes, the gears are so prone to wear and tear that momentarily there’s an “Oh Snap!” moment.

The first thing one can do is NOT PANIC, and yes – definitely NOT CRY!

Secondly take few deep breaths and leave everything aside and try not to think.

Once, you regain your composure, try to remember any word, thought or instance that can make you form a chain of thoughts.

Thirdly, flex your muscles and start – Be it Crap or Less Sensible! At least you’ll get the cogs running.

Finally, lighten your mind with positive self-exhortation. Encourage yourself.

Push yourself to the absolute limit till you never give up.

We are human. Sometimes we fail. If there wasn’t failure, we wouldn’t understand success in whole. So what if you scampered like a lab rat in an exam, missed a flight despite all serious planning, lost a match playing a bad shot. There are always ways to win back. Blackouts happen if and only if one is under-prepared not over-prepared.

At the end of all of it, all things are in your control. You may either make a choice to fall prey to it or keep calm & break your demons!

Statutory Disclamation: The writer solely holds all views described above as viable and applicable in all live circumstances. In case of deviations, he agrees to disagree on any agreement.

Me, My, Mine are all HIS!

This post lacks technical finesse and literary flair as one would want to protrude through their amazing blogs. This one is meant for me alone to align my dreams once again as I read it every day till I reach my goal.

I know what I was, what I am and what I have come to become of. I was just another kid in the block, shy but talented. I was absolutely a shocker of a talent in tennis and I lived through the blitz of it in my early childhood days accustomed to winning and facing dreary, tall opponents. I once routed a top ranked player and made it to the front page of the sports column in a popular news daily. I was a loser in Math though then. I was humiliated to get a meager 60-70% while the others got a cent percent in theirs. Once again I was driven towards achieving something I lacked - expertise in Math. 98 in 10th, 99 in PU and a 100 in Engineering made me believe that with God nothing is impossible. No! Engineering was not all cake walk for me. In fact being a Mechanical Engineer and not doing well in Designing is the worst part. I got a 20/20 in the first minor but flunked to a 2 in the second! I cried my heart out like a wounded, battered, lost soldier after losing his fight to overconfidence and extra-puffed pride. I once again knelt down before my Lord in prayer and pouring out all my worries at his feet. In the semester end exams, it was purely by His grace that I scored impeccably well to make me a master at that subject! There have been various instances when I was bogged and knocked down, but it has always been about rising up and making a statement again, that of holding the banner of Christ fluttering higher than ever.

I had planned to do my Masters in Germany by the mid August of 2013 and had started my preparations with Sanjay and Eshank, two of my closest friends. I was on full throttle until I started making compromises with lesser gloried goals. I always had the desire to top my department in terms of scores and factually I did! a whopping 9.61 with 5 S-grades. Never had I ever been that high on Adrenaline, especially when you're the go-to guy of the college! Winning the Best speaker award in the inter-collegiate debate competition was another goal I had and yet again, God was merciful to help me win this. I was mocked that i don't talk much on stage, but phew! He knows how very well to silence my critics!

Time passed by and i became cozy and lost interest in GRE and TOEFL, the exams that would easily seal my fate to any good university in the US or Germany given the fact that I'd prepared so well for it. Then came the storm -The storm of fear of not making it past the monetary issues. I had already shelled out roughly 30K on my training and I had to spend an additional lump for the exams themselves and then the admission process and also the SOP's and LOR's. I panicked looking at all I had to do. I just slept my way through it doing literally nothing having gone selfishly cozy about the backup job that I'd been offered by KPIT through placements. Time ticked off, i finished my engineering with no goal ahead.

With nothing in sight of solace I moved away from God too sometimes. Dejected that I didn't make it I lost all hope and I just waited and lied in wait for 2 whole months of July and August. September was worsening at its best to see my other friends all making it to their jobs or higher studies. I felt all alone.

As always, I knew I lacked expertise. Only this time I realized I had God on my side even though I'd walked away from Him. I started praying about my needs and pouring myself before him in all agony. I had no sense of hope left before, but as I prayed i came to a subtle realization that with God ALL things are possible. I started praying for my immediate requisite of a good job. Immediately, I got a job offer from QuEST-Manufacturing in Belgaum through an interview with the HOD's there. I wasn't sated though I loved the job profile and the serenity of the locale. But, God just said, WAIT! I knew He had something great and better in store for me. My family started praying even more diligently and so did every one of my relatives. Even my God-parents in Bangalore started supporting me by enlisting my name in various top firms. But the Lord said, WAIT! I waited upon the Lord in His presence and begged forgiveness for having mocked the company I was placed in. I started praying to get into this company itself earnestly! My father asked of me on a lazy similar Friday to fast and pray. I was learning a software then and had a class to go to. I knew my dad's words spoke loud in my life as they did every time. I knelt on my knees and prayed with all my heart in sync with God's. I just held on and had faith that He'd move the mountains for me with the mustard seed faith I had in Him. He took me by His arms and said, "ENOUGH"! The same day I got a call from KPIT saying that I'd to join the firm on the coming Tuesday! I was ecstatic and overjoyed! I literally broke down in Spirit! I was emphatic and proud about my company. I was filled with new hope dawning on my face as I came to Bangalore. Renewed energy, Spirit filled joy capsuled me at all times.

In my God-parents' home, I lack nothing as I stay here. I have all that I need. Surely the Lord had everything in plan for me. I never for a moment thought I'd be here in this stage, already working. But, God has always a special plan, unknown but absolutely mind-blowing. Here I am this day writing in true joy and increased faith over my Lord who makes all things possible through CHRIST who strengthens me.

Now, as I lay foot to renewing new dreams, I shall forever lay my trust in the Lord and move ahead with confidence.

One day when I reach the top all by His grace, this message I know will be my testimony, my pride and my treasure in Christ Jesus. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Why this Friday is really a "Good" one?

When I first catch a glimpse of Christ on the cross, I think as to why He was subjected to such a great ordeal in His young 33 year life on earth. I really am startled at times as to what may be that reason for which God had to deliberately take human form and die for the sakes of all mankind. Why alone His dying would ensure me deliverance from the clasp of sin and from the fetters of death is perhaps a supplementary thought that came in my mind. Adding to these speculations, I also did feel uncomfortable as to why He had to die with such a disgrace - almost naked, broken, bruised, torn, struck, pierced, mocked, crucified as though He were a criminal.  

Then, through His grace solely, I found the answers - A view quite distinguishing and sometimes overlooked as too preachy. A few of those startling facts are as mentioned below:

• God is Love. He created man to share His love. Man hence, was made in God’s own image. Although man lacked one thing – the capability to abhor sin and its practice.
• God couldn’t tolerate His own children do spiteful things under His purview. He asked men then to cast their sins of commission (but not that of guilt) on mere animals. These animals were burnt offerings to God, whose incense was a symbolism of man’s sin offering to God. For only blood could cleanse what is of blood. We are people governed by the flow of blood in our bodies. We survive on account of its circulation in us. If the heart stops beating, there is no/scanty blood causing it. Directly speaking, our lives as a whole are dependent on blood. Back then, people started using this ceremony too mechanically and their guilt was never seen off by God.
• God wanted to discipline man every time he erred. But He was just waiting for His people to turn to Him. With the burnt offerings turning meaningless, God thought of a permanent solution – that of redeeming mankind once and for all of all sin and guilt.
• Now only blood can replace blood. No man ever who lived had pure blood in Him to be the sacrifice for mankind’s sins.
• But God alone being Holy decided on one thing. He took His own creation’s form (HUMILITY), struggled through His stay on earth (POVERTY, SICKNESS, TEMPTATIONS, TEARS.) and then did one thing – EXCHANGED HIS PURE BLOOD AS A RANSOM FOR OUR SINS.
• This pure blood is now a part of every single human being and as a result is precious in the sight of God. But this process is for those who “BELIEVE THAT CHRIST IS GOD AND CAME TO TAKE OUR SINS AND WHO ACKOWLEDGE HIS SACRIFICE EVERYDAY OF THEIR LIVES AND LIVE IN THANKSGIVING OF IT.”
• He had to endure that gruesome painstaking endeavor for us so that we could believe that God as a human overcame all of that without sinning. He set before us a blueprint to lead lives on our stay in this earth.
• Without the core, nothing survives. Without the heart no one survives. God replaced your heart with a specially coated one – one that is immune to sin and guilt. In each man is this special heart. But God gave every man a choice to opt it (for his benefit) or reject it (for eternal punishment)
• God once annihilated the world by flooding it because of surging sin. He could have done it time and again to bring sin to an eternal halt. But He regards men’s lives as precious. He had to give His all for mankind’s betterment and deliverance from the slavishness of sin.
• This is what makes this Friday, a Good Friday!! It not just marks God’s love being exemplified on that cross, but it also gives us a hope and assurance of guiltless, sinless, blameless lives to live on this earth. He is good all the time; we need to be good – in heart, in mind and in soul. Jesus Christ is the ONLY ANSWER!!! :D :D

Dhoni!! pull your socks up man!!!

"Mr. Dhoni..., M.S. Dhoni, sir...can i just have a talk with you for a second? Mr. Dhoni, please...would you just oblige to share a few thoughts? Mr.Dhoni.....(a 5 second gap)...maybe you might just want to cut the crap captain!!"

Dhoni swivels his head right toward me, impressed by my maverick extempore response to his hushed silence towards the thronging paparazzi. "You only, yeah only you please...get into the dressing room, let's have a couple of minutes.."

I was more than impressed to be a 'part' of the Indian cricket team, but I was moreover concerned about my nitro-starch (grade 1 explosive) questions to the '#1 captain in Indian history'..!!!

Rick Castle: M.S Dhoni, your comments on the depleting performance of the Indian team..It seems so cynical at present.. what's your explanation to this slide downwards?

Sakshis's husband: There is nothing to be panicked about right now. The top order has failed to deliver, the spinners aren't getting their rythm, the fielders aren't in their groove....even the pitch isn't turning as I expected...

Rick Castle: Pardon me..(I silently scoff inhumanly).. What's wrong with you sir? You haven't fired with your willow nor with your mind games which were earlier much deserving of plaudits...

Dhoni intervenes suddenly...

Sakshi's husband: We all have lean patches in our lives, we just need to overcome them...But, the curator should have been different this time around..!!

Rick Castle: Give us a break man! How many of our own would you want to blame for your own debacle. I beg your sincere pardon Mr. Dhoni, but I really do think you guys have a heck of a day tomorrow... What's your plan of action?

Sakshi's husband: Well, let's see how things turn around..hope Ashwin makes a huge turnaround tomorrow...

Rick Castle: Wow!! Positive pessimism, ironical metaphors and hypothetical realities seem to please you a lot sir.. I recommend you better make a move to level the series in the next match...Thanks a lot Mr.Dhoni...Thanks for your time.."

Virat Kohli looked dejected as I stormed dissatisfied and mournful out of the otherwise over-joyous dressing room...

It was indeed a day to discard off our memories off of this day...

Hope we see a steering turnaround...

Go India Go!!!

We, the youth of India, having solemnly resolved...

Danger, danger! In great danger are we the youth of this country. When the hope of basking in the glory of freedom that we all dreamt of, the peace that we all thought of achieving and the unity that we all strived to achieve, all of it seems to have gone thither. Yes, we want freedom, we want a corruption free state, a crime free metropolis, a epidemic free country, a terror free nation and other high end needs to be met. No, why me alone, why can’t him, why can’t she, it’s their job, the politicians are corrupt not us, the government’s got to do something, the police aren’t working, I hate that party, that man gets on my nerves and many other higher end excuses we all give to change our ‘Yes’ to a “Big NO”.

The reason why India lost the 2003 world cup final against Australia was not because Australia played good enough, but India giving opportunities to tease their own problems which in the due course of time proved too fatal in result and in embarrassment. In the same way, we the youth haven’t been taking our predicaments seriously, instead we are toying with them as though they were a star-gazing spectacle. NO! We should at once stop being a hermit to meekness and a recluse to self-controlled sufficiency. We lack leaders to lead the pack because we don’t have the youth taking that extra furlong in bringing about change. Yes, we have a great media, and that’s why we talk more and act less. We like spice, but we don’t want the change.

If alone we all changed our attitudes and looked at that beggar near the temple streets and felt compassion, gazed at the corrupt official and took a moral stand of shunning bribery, cleaned the surroundings as though it were our own home, saved resources as if our dear lives depended on it and many more integral, moral values that we are all aware of and put them into practice, we would then be nominated towards being a developed nation. We grunt about the falling GDP, mock the FM for his lack of financial inadequacy but in the end we, the citizens ourselves never gave a cock’s eye about the financial status of India.

There’s only one solution. ACT

A – Act Immediately

C – Change what’s not right

T – Think over the consequences before acting

We need supportive leaders, youth leaders, leading from the front taking up the fight and deracinating the opposition. Enough of the comfy cushion behavior, let’s just join hands, be leaders – in campuses, in homes, in localities, in districts, states and the nations. Let’s ACT to making our “NO’s” into a big ‘YES’.

Jai Hind!!!

H.B.K [Heart Break Kid]

It's so weird when you hurt someone not actually discerning how you could have. For one serene moment everything's going just fine, smooth and dreamy and suddenly all of it fragments to a tumultuous situation wherein the person whom you loved so dearly just forgets and discards you as unimportant. 

Years of trust, believing against odds that an unbreakable bond of friendship would prosper, mutual interests pouring in and above all, standing for each other in times of distress; all of it just gone obsolete in days of obscurity. Now to even consider that "still best friend" as an arch enemy is next to installing an atom bomb in a chamber containing the auricles and ventricles. 

But I guess it's time that heals many relationships. Maybe we just don't give ourselves the time to think straight about the implications, expectations and resolutions that arise through these links that we develop in meets that were never planned before, in unexpected rendezvous, or even in seconds to spare on the first meet. Ultimately, if we do genuinely feel the pain of missing someone so bad, it really is worth for us to wait upon. But 'wait' in itself being a verb, reasonable effort to mend the relationship is in our hands for sure which surely in due course of time stitches the cross boundary discrepancy.

"har ek friend zaroori hota hai..."!!!!

I took a late trip to the Grand Canyon 3 dream-nights ago, and I was bedazzled to see something so spectacular and unprecedented ever in my life. My eyes just flipped backwards to check the authenticity of my visit to this vast spread of mountainous artistry, not withholding the goosebumps so tangible that I could feel liquid Nitrogen melting in my veins. The sheer dumbfound luck that I found was so precious to be precocious natured for a comic-con fan like me.

As I crudely reeled the shutter off my eyes, I found a hugely built muscular giant looming large over the Superior as a green comet does over a lake so serene to be blue in precise. Indeed, it was the HULK!!! No 3-D glass would ever give me that feeling for I felt one thing so captivating – his fists just missed me as he tried to smash an Asgard prince with a mighty thump (THOR anyone..?)! I for once was taken aback. ‘Aren’t they the Avengers?’ I really cross-examined myself just as Thor hammered one on Hulk’s carven back. The confusion hoopla soon turned out to be a bizarre dream in a dream itself as I saw the caped Knight drag the man with disliking towards Kryptonite. Seriously, Batman mauling Superman as if he was a dead carcass? No way!! Superman had on prior tried to laser off the Dark Knight, but the man with the money, fame and dames just shied it off! As a young kid I always fancied being Batman (tying a black bedsheet strangulating my neck for a while) and especially watching him live beating the hell out of an overrated superhero was always one that I cherished then.

With these events not sufficing the overgrown dreaming, an Amazon warrior like woman with an American outfit slashing and flashing her wrists and by doing so deflecting back all-direction bullets digressed my eyes off Batman’s heroics. What is a Justice League decorative doing in the scorching Appalachian away from the sunny Savannas!! Weirder as it got, she gently pin-handled the man with the golden gun, 007 (that makes up for the titanium bullets off a Glock 17). Shut the front door!! Bond?  I just tried to slap myself off the dream in a dream of the dream I had planned to dream before dreaming the previous night. To exacerbate the convoluted happenings, I saw Flash waltzing past the man in Steel, Iron Man. “Boom… kaboom…dishoom…kapow…pow…thud…uggh” were few words describing their unending duel which am sure is impossible to appease even by Duality theory.

 I finally awoke that morning away from the dream in a dream of a dream that I had dreamt of dreaming the previous night given due consideration to the thousand knocks on my door as Mom pounded on and on. One thing’s for sure, Dreams are Beautiful unless they become as flummoxing as mine!!